promises

I was putting Elias in the car after a fun and exhausting
playdate yesterday and promptly told him,
"Go sit in your seat and I'll pass
you back some cookies in a minute".
He immediately scattered to the back of the van and climbed up into
his spot - looking at me expectantly.

What was so amazing to me in that minute
was that he totally believed me.
Thankfully, I wasn't lying - I had borrowed some animal crackers from Kelly and put them in a baggie for him for the ride home. But, he didn't doubt for a minute that I was really telling the truth. Right now, when I promise him something - he relies on me
one million percent to provide.

When do children become adults? When does childlike faith become adultlike doubt?
Maybe when we stop believing the things our Father promises.
here are some I need reminding of:
And my God will supply every need of yours according to his
riches in glory in Christ Jesus.
(philippians 4:19)

fear not, for I am with you;
be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
(isaiah 41:10)

And the ransomed of the LORD shall return
and come to Zion with singing;
everlasting joy shall be upon their heads;
they shall obtain gladness and joy,
and sorrow and sighing shall flee away.
(isaiah 51:11)

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you.
Not as the world gives do I give to you.
Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.
(john 14:27)

simple enough,
amen? amen.

you know what?

I think I would blog a lot better if I didn't feel the unnecessary pressure to put a picture with each post. Who do I think I am? An awesome photographer? Maybe I'd relieve that pressure if I stole pictures from other people - you know the perfect creative window into my soul regarding whatever it is I feel like writing about. I don't think that's ethical though, huh?

I told my sister I'm pretty sure that I woke up on the wrong side of the mommy-bed a few days in a row. My dad and stepmom, Judith, have been here visiting the past few days and it's been so awesome to have an extra pair of hands and playmates for the babes, but something about a little bit of help makes me a little braindead too. It's kind of like I'm two minutes behind, with nothing planned, waiting for someone to tell me what comes next.

Yesterday in a thirty minute span, Benjamin blew out his diaper (literally poop up his back to his head), Elias woke up from a nap with massive swollen hives all over his body, & Glory managed to get her diaper off during naptime & played poop picasso. For a few minutes, I had to stand there and just sort of stare around and then I realized, "oh! this is all my mess to clean up!".

So, how do you make sure you get back on track when you're off-kilter? When there is three laundry piles instead of one, you don't remember the day of the week, your toenail polish is long past expired, and the days (and sleepless nights) don't stop coming? Here's my plan:
I'm going to pack my market tote TONIGHT rather than tomorrow morning.
Make a long list.
Consolidate said laundry pile.
Cuddle with handsome husband.

the maternal season

I was pregnant for thirty out of thirty-six consecutive months. I am very familiar with the maternal season. It begins when you stare down in amazement at two pink lines rather than one and the end of the season is a little fuzzy, but when it's over - it's over and there is no going back to that particular season, ever.

When Elias was eight weeks old, I told someone his age and I was all of a sudden flabbergasted. He had turned into our baby, and not necessarily my newborn. My body was different, for certain, but it wasn't freshly wounded by surgery and my back had long since adjusted to constant leaning over my precious boy. The maternal season was over and
I just knew I had to have it back.

When Glory was about five months old, still as little as a baby bird - with her neck craning constantly for food and for her mama, something shifted and we both knew it was time to give up the charade. My milk was like slimfast for her and feeding her was more than taking its toll on my body and so we parted ways at feeding time, at least for most of the time and boy was I sad. I missed her flat palm patting me and the familiar smell of me, her, and milk all nestled up. I genuinely enjoyed nursing her and could physically feel the endorphins hit my body when we got settled in. But, it was over. My maternal season with her had been full of rollercoasters and I reluctantly stood up, and got off. I didn't like it, I felt empty and useless.

Benjamin is still drinking his mom's milk, he is still waking up in the night for little dates with me - but today, the maternal season most definitely ended. I'd been dealing with a merciless c-section wound that wouldn't close and last night on close examination I told Nick, "I don't want to jinx it, but I think my incision is finally closed". At my six week check-up, my ob confirmed - I was finally healed and in my heart, I knew more than just that six inch line had closed. My maternal season is over, and I think - for good.

My doctor said, "I'll see you in a year for a checkup- right?", and I firmly said, "no sooner". I don't feel empty or useless or shocked by the abrupt end of something amazing. I loved this season - shocking pink lines, early labor, pelvic pain, wide nose,
gaping wound and all - but it is most definitely over.

The maternal seasons are over and now my heart can just focus on the mama season.
I won't be that girl that people can make jokes about constantly being pregnant, in fact - you won't be able to make jokes about me, because I'll be at the kids table with my brood. You won't want to rub my belly, hopefully it will be concealed and if you comment on it - I would like it to be because it is shrinking. My ankles are normal size and I won't have a stash of heartburn pills. I will have three beautiful munchers at my feet and probably a
handful of tylenol for headaches. The season is over and it feels just right.

some pics

Today is July 4th, also known as my best friend's birthday.
The big Cowans hosted a big old cookout at their lake house, but I got no good pics of
the bday girl. It was much, much fun. After I got some updated Benj pics.

he was telling me to "hush, mama".

in the south, we would call this "husky"

whose smile is that? can you place it?

you know, just laughing.

this picture is the definition of why my life is great.

summmatime.

the party.


Hope everyone had a great holiday weekend!


ps: Nick and I just looked at this blog together & I seriously couldn't stop myself from laughing - dying laughing. Seriously? That picture of Glory?! What I forgot to add is that about 2 hours before we left, Glory hit her "crazy place" and just sort of growled at anything that moved and ran us both ragged. That picture defines her sassy side. Nick and I spent a good few minutes just giving our own caption of what Glory was thinking. Some suggestions:
"I told you not to take my picture in a bathing suit!'
"I will CUT you."

very blessed.

one month old, Big Benjamin!

ok, he is really a month & some change, but his one-month
appointment was today - so this counts!

Benjamin weighs: TEN POUNDS & 14 OUNCES! He gained about thirty-two ounces in seventeen days, which is just amazing! And is in the seventy-fifth percentile for height & weight. We don't mind tiny babies - but it is really nice to have one with no growth issues!
(since Glory just now weighs ten pounds about - j/k)


Here is what he is into:
- eating every four hours, not a minute more or less. If we time him on our Itzbeen - he is like clockwork, usually eating within five minutes of his little four hour time limit.
- awake times! Usually twice a day, once in the afternoon & once at night - he will stay good & awake for a few hours. He doesn't like to just sit, though, he likes to change positions, have the passy/lose the passy, have tummy time/end tummy time,
walk around/be bounced - you name it!
- being swaddled. Whether he is sleeping or not, he wants to be wrapped up tight. If he is a little fussy, a tight wrap-up in his favorite airplane blanket makes him happy.
- um, pooping. He doesn't do it all that regularly, but when he does - look out. No clothing or blankets or car seats are safe. Big Benj keeps our washer & dryer busy!
- naps with mom or dad. He naps with Daddy in the morning around 6am and
with Mommy after the big kids are in bed, around 6:30pm... these are some of his
favorite (and our favorite) little rituals.
- smiling. When Daddy makes kisses faces on you or when Mommy does her high-pitch squealing, every once in a while - you just start beaming.

Things Benjamin is NOT into:
- CHANGING CLOTHES. You would think we were ripping his arms & legs off. The second we're done, he is fine again!
- overstimulation. When the Elias & Glory chorus becomes a little too much, you like to just escape and lay down in silence by yourself. We understand.
- Eating small amounts. Since he eats in exactly four hour increments, he wants a full belly when he is done - no snacking for this boy.


Benjamin, you are a joy-joy-joy.
We love you so much & can't wait to have another month with you.

(yes, you're right - this post should include a picture. oops.
I WILL take some tomorrow. Promise.)

pictures

not recent ones, sorry.
I was looking through facebook today with Nick and realized time is passing tooo quickly.

this was just four years ago?

oh, three years ago.
I remember this day like it was today. somebody's baby pooped on me.
i FREAKED out.
today kal & I were at lunch (with families) and benjamin pooped everywhere
& we all just went on eating.

this was just a YEAR ago.
oh my gosh, stunning - that glory is.

and this was only a few months ago.
For the first time EVER, I missed that big preggo belly.
I did not miss it enough to wish it back, mind you, but I missed it.

Time just keeps on flying by.